So, it's about time that I got a post about harps up here.
But first, there were some items brought up in previous posts that demanded updates.
Fitness. Things sort of stepped in and set themselves up. I stopped drinking heavily after going to the emergency room for a rather severe-feeling attack of gastritis. That also got me concerned about my diet and nutrition in general. In June, I got run over by a toyota hilux in Africa. Let's leave a long story for it's own time, and just leave it at I broke some stuff, but I'll be ship shape eventually. Military thoughts clearly put in a holding pattern. Bed rest was basically my only option. Very hard to get any exercise. I dropped almost all meat and alcohol from my diet, and jump at the chance for what little exercise I can do on a regular basis. So, health-wise, I'm feeling much better now that I got fucked up, thank you.
General set up. To be quite honest, I'm still not totally settled, although I've taken steps to reorganize the apartment so that at least one of the rooms has a bit of a coziness to it. Still need to go out and get more furniture, and definitely still need to get the gas running. I don't know what it is with that thing, but I always forget to handle it. I'm not finding transportation to be a big problem, and if my disabled placard comes through soon, then I won't have problems at all.
Now, the harp. I also previously spoke about how I felt a little isolated in my new apartment before, that my social network had altered significantly with my absence and the passage of time. Well, my outlook has gotten better since then. I've run into some of my old friends, have found out that other old friends will soon be around, and I've also branched out a bit. Through my interest in harp (harmonica, that is) I am trying to get into the local blues scene, and perhaps even contribute by starting up a social harmonica club. I've been thinking of it as a Harmonicists Anonymous, but I'm open to other names as well. In any event, life moves forward, and I'll post more on my thoughts on harp later.
And time? Has it healed some of the deep wounds I was nursing. Yes. Distance between me and the hurt lets the scars fade and thicken. I find it easier, though still difficult, to deal with things in general, and I no longer suffer from malaise, but from short pangs of sadness. They do not hurt so much as prod. Life moves forward.
Stay tuned for "Harp part 2"
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Our Media, and Government
"The "big picture" economic news gets buried under this trivia. Perhaps the best example of a "big picture" problem is the situation with derivatives markets, considered by many to be the junk bonds of the 1990s. Even as Congress continues to pick billions out of taxpayers' pockets over the savings and loan debacle, they haven't yet shown the stomach to confront Wall Street on the issue of regulating derivatives. This market is massive in size; on August 25, 1994 the Wall Street Journal estimated the total "notional" value of outstanding derivatives at $35 trillion, up from about $4 trillion in 1989. This figure of $35 trillion is "equal to nearly three-quarters of all the world's stocks, bonds, money-market securities and currencies put together." Moreover, this market is highly leveraged and extremely volatile -- big bets are made with little or no money down. It's a prescription for disaster; a huge global Ponzi scheme."
-The Decline of American Journalism
by Daniel Brandt
From NameBase NewsLine, No. 9, April-June 1995
So, clearly I have a few things that I'd like to point out here for the sake of my constitutional sanity. First off, I came across this article by chance. As you can see, it is dated to 1995, and he accurately predicts the economic recession that inevitably hit us in 2008 as a result of these derivatives policies. I myself remember a discussion with my father in the summer of 2007, in which he spoke about the coming crisis due to this issue. Everybody knew about it. The Media, clearly failed to correct their faulty reporting in a timely manner.
Yet when I searched for articles regarding the decline of our media, I expected to find something regarding a more recent incident that struck me as ominous. Some of you might remember that a few weeks ago (I'm writing on August 8, 2010) there was a new sensational, important, groundbreaking story. It was about RACISM and a BLACK WOMAN and GOVERNMENT and POOR WHITE FARMERS. Yeah right.
So here's the real skinny, some of which I'm paraphrasing from the wiki if you want to check it out: Somebody, whose identity is unimportant, submitted a video clip to the internet media site Breitbart.com, which is run by Andrew Breitbart. Shortly after the NAACP expressed concerns over racism in the tea-party movement, Breitbart published the clips with accompanying captioning that was misleading. The video was of a speech being given by Shirley Sherrod, an employee of the USDA and a black woman, at an NAACP fundraising event. The clip purports to show her making racist comments.
The american television news media was all over it. It was one of those stories, like Anna Nicole Smith, or Michael Jackson, or a particularly brutal crime, or whatever... ...they upsold the shit out of this story. They were devoting all this airtime to making wild guesses about such weighty issues as the state of racial relations in the United States, bringing in talking heads to weave different interpretations and predictions of great import out of these few moments of video, which they analyzed nearly syllable by syllable.
But there were simple, basic questions that remained unanswered in their coverage. Most glaringly, what was the full context of these remarks? The television played minute soundbites, teasing the audience with promises of more soundbites, and then commercials. Then another soundbite to bring us back into the mood of outrage, and some more talking heads. Finally, after I almost gave up, the television news media deigned to give me a single uninterrupted viewing of the clip. I watched it. It was obvious from the pacing and intonation of the woman's speech-- there was more relevant material immediately following the end of the clip. She had been telling a story, and she had not used that "and that's the moral of the story" voice yet. She had made some comments regarding her feelings and perceptions and race, but they were in the context of a story, and it seemed as if she was just about to tell us the moral when the clip ended.
Well, it turns out this gets bigger. As a result of all this media hubbub, the NAACP issue a public condemnation, and this woman's boss forces her to pull over to the side of the road and submit her resignation. The controversy continues.
Wait a minute! It turns out that her remarks were taken out of context! The film of the whole speech shows that her tale was one with a positive moral conclusion. It turns out that she has greatly contributed through case law to civil rights in this country, and that she has had first hand experience of discrimination-- her father was lynched when she was young. And it turns out that the story she was telling involved the white farmer with whom she'd made this positive contribution to civil rights and race relations. Oh.
So, the government offered her a job back, and the NAACP issued a correction, and the media dropped the whole hot potato, dusted their shoulders very casually, and moved on.
Wait. What about what just happened? Didn't you all completely fail in your journalistic duties? How could you term what you just did as anything other than wild speculation? Or gossip even? Was there no effort to check facts before devoting airtime to this story? Did nobody even think to look up the whole video before convicting and condemning this woman as a racist? That's no small accusation. The press, the ancestor and descendant of the freedom of speech, inquiry, and truth-- one of the necessary components of our republic-- has been failing and continues to fail us. It's nothing more than reality television, and I mean that in the most demeaning, scripted, adolescent way possible.
But at least I can see why they got there. Money. It pays to upsell this clip, and really wrench all possible value out of it. You don't have to fund the real reporting, the issue is already a hot potato, it's about racism, and it comes with a juicy government employee angle. 'That's gotta be milkable,' they must have thought. And their right. They probably saved money by getting away with not running down real issues for a day or two, or a week, or for longer.
But they are owned by corporations. The news media is a for-profit enterprise. I can see how that came about, and then rightly lambast the media for their declining ethics, presumably at every level from the lowly anchorperson who reports obviously biased and slanted material to the top editors and executives who so obviously set the ideological agenda towards maximum profit. I have a right to be angry and dissatisfied as a customer, and so I take my business elsewhere, where I am not so clearly lied to. Fine, I prefer my news online anyhow.
BUT THE GOVERNMENT?
Am I to believe that a person was fired on a reflex? That our body public, empowered to protect our liberty, not only carried out penalizing actions against a person based on an assumption of guilt, but didn't even bother to check the relevant facts before it did so? Is this truly what I should believe? Am I to believe that in a government system where this happens, that this is the only time it's happened? That this sort of irrational action is an anomaly?
But there you have it. Our government, caught on polaroid: knee jerk reaction to partisan accusations, directly into own crotch. Is this really the institution that we trust to manage such huge sums of OUR money on foreign adventures, and subsidies (which always profit the rich), and regulation of financial markets that-- clearly-- worked so well that when it failed spectacularly to avert disaster, it became clear we needed more of it.
We all need to be more consciously aware of the fact that our government is corrupt. It's bought. A lot of it is legal, but that doesn't make it right. American politicians are by and large in on the graft, republicans and democrats alike. But the government is not a corporation. They are supposed to represent you. Would you accept a bribe in your job now? What if you knew that bribe had consequences, negative ones? That's what politicians are doing. Their lack of ethics is undermining our system, and when it comes to a body that draws its power from us, I say we demand better.
I therefore advocate that everybody, citizen or not, read the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution of the United States (don't forget the ammendments). It's got some great political philosophy, an explanation of how our government should work and why, some historical bloopers, and it is the law of the land that guarantees to recognize your innate rights. A good read all around, and it's interesting to delve into deeper. Highly recommended. Now be a politically active citizen. Vote. Vote intelligently. Know your candidates and know the issues. Are candidates and government officials acting in accordance to the oaths they swore, or to ethics? Or are they acting according to some plan that looks likely to be primarily motivated by self interest? I submit that you can make your discontent known to your representatives and to your fellow mankind. Advocate for justice and liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The american republic functions on compromise, which can be a great thing. But compromising your ethics is never a good thing.
Join me in demanding more from the government established by, of, and for the people.
-The Decline of American Journalism
by Daniel Brandt
From NameBase NewsLine, No. 9, April-June 1995
So, clearly I have a few things that I'd like to point out here for the sake of my constitutional sanity. First off, I came across this article by chance. As you can see, it is dated to 1995, and he accurately predicts the economic recession that inevitably hit us in 2008 as a result of these derivatives policies. I myself remember a discussion with my father in the summer of 2007, in which he spoke about the coming crisis due to this issue. Everybody knew about it. The Media, clearly failed to correct their faulty reporting in a timely manner.
Yet when I searched for articles regarding the decline of our media, I expected to find something regarding a more recent incident that struck me as ominous. Some of you might remember that a few weeks ago (I'm writing on August 8, 2010) there was a new sensational, important, groundbreaking story. It was about RACISM and a BLACK WOMAN and GOVERNMENT and POOR WHITE FARMERS. Yeah right.
So here's the real skinny, some of which I'm paraphrasing from the wiki if you want to check it out: Somebody, whose identity is unimportant, submitted a video clip to the internet media site Breitbart.com, which is run by Andrew Breitbart. Shortly after the NAACP expressed concerns over racism in the tea-party movement, Breitbart published the clips with accompanying captioning that was misleading. The video was of a speech being given by Shirley Sherrod, an employee of the USDA and a black woman, at an NAACP fundraising event. The clip purports to show her making racist comments.
The american television news media was all over it. It was one of those stories, like Anna Nicole Smith, or Michael Jackson, or a particularly brutal crime, or whatever... ...they upsold the shit out of this story. They were devoting all this airtime to making wild guesses about such weighty issues as the state of racial relations in the United States, bringing in talking heads to weave different interpretations and predictions of great import out of these few moments of video, which they analyzed nearly syllable by syllable.
But there were simple, basic questions that remained unanswered in their coverage. Most glaringly, what was the full context of these remarks? The television played minute soundbites, teasing the audience with promises of more soundbites, and then commercials. Then another soundbite to bring us back into the mood of outrage, and some more talking heads. Finally, after I almost gave up, the television news media deigned to give me a single uninterrupted viewing of the clip. I watched it. It was obvious from the pacing and intonation of the woman's speech-- there was more relevant material immediately following the end of the clip. She had been telling a story, and she had not used that "and that's the moral of the story" voice yet. She had made some comments regarding her feelings and perceptions and race, but they were in the context of a story, and it seemed as if she was just about to tell us the moral when the clip ended.
Well, it turns out this gets bigger. As a result of all this media hubbub, the NAACP issue a public condemnation, and this woman's boss forces her to pull over to the side of the road and submit her resignation. The controversy continues.
Wait a minute! It turns out that her remarks were taken out of context! The film of the whole speech shows that her tale was one with a positive moral conclusion. It turns out that she has greatly contributed through case law to civil rights in this country, and that she has had first hand experience of discrimination-- her father was lynched when she was young. And it turns out that the story she was telling involved the white farmer with whom she'd made this positive contribution to civil rights and race relations. Oh.
So, the government offered her a job back, and the NAACP issued a correction, and the media dropped the whole hot potato, dusted their shoulders very casually, and moved on.
Wait. What about what just happened? Didn't you all completely fail in your journalistic duties? How could you term what you just did as anything other than wild speculation? Or gossip even? Was there no effort to check facts before devoting airtime to this story? Did nobody even think to look up the whole video before convicting and condemning this woman as a racist? That's no small accusation. The press, the ancestor and descendant of the freedom of speech, inquiry, and truth-- one of the necessary components of our republic-- has been failing and continues to fail us. It's nothing more than reality television, and I mean that in the most demeaning, scripted, adolescent way possible.
But at least I can see why they got there. Money. It pays to upsell this clip, and really wrench all possible value out of it. You don't have to fund the real reporting, the issue is already a hot potato, it's about racism, and it comes with a juicy government employee angle. 'That's gotta be milkable,' they must have thought. And their right. They probably saved money by getting away with not running down real issues for a day or two, or a week, or for longer.
But they are owned by corporations. The news media is a for-profit enterprise. I can see how that came about, and then rightly lambast the media for their declining ethics, presumably at every level from the lowly anchorperson who reports obviously biased and slanted material to the top editors and executives who so obviously set the ideological agenda towards maximum profit. I have a right to be angry and dissatisfied as a customer, and so I take my business elsewhere, where I am not so clearly lied to. Fine, I prefer my news online anyhow.
BUT THE GOVERNMENT?
Am I to believe that a person was fired on a reflex? That our body public, empowered to protect our liberty, not only carried out penalizing actions against a person based on an assumption of guilt, but didn't even bother to check the relevant facts before it did so? Is this truly what I should believe? Am I to believe that in a government system where this happens, that this is the only time it's happened? That this sort of irrational action is an anomaly?
But there you have it. Our government, caught on polaroid: knee jerk reaction to partisan accusations, directly into own crotch. Is this really the institution that we trust to manage such huge sums of OUR money on foreign adventures, and subsidies (which always profit the rich), and regulation of financial markets that-- clearly-- worked so well that when it failed spectacularly to avert disaster, it became clear we needed more of it.
We all need to be more consciously aware of the fact that our government is corrupt. It's bought. A lot of it is legal, but that doesn't make it right. American politicians are by and large in on the graft, republicans and democrats alike. But the government is not a corporation. They are supposed to represent you. Would you accept a bribe in your job now? What if you knew that bribe had consequences, negative ones? That's what politicians are doing. Their lack of ethics is undermining our system, and when it comes to a body that draws its power from us, I say we demand better.
I therefore advocate that everybody, citizen or not, read the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution of the United States (don't forget the ammendments). It's got some great political philosophy, an explanation of how our government should work and why, some historical bloopers, and it is the law of the land that guarantees to recognize your innate rights. A good read all around, and it's interesting to delve into deeper. Highly recommended. Now be a politically active citizen. Vote. Vote intelligently. Know your candidates and know the issues. Are candidates and government officials acting in accordance to the oaths they swore, or to ethics? Or are they acting according to some plan that looks likely to be primarily motivated by self interest? I submit that you can make your discontent known to your representatives and to your fellow mankind. Advocate for justice and liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The american republic functions on compromise, which can be a great thing. But compromising your ethics is never a good thing.
Join me in demanding more from the government established by, of, and for the people.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Workouts
Workouts
I've recently made an effort to get back into regular workouts and, hopefully, regular old good shape. I feel like I've gone all over the place on the fitness map, and it's maybe worth setting down.
I was a fat little kid. I'm talking fat as in "if you pushed me, I might have rolled," fat. So, yeah, chubby. My culinary world was sort of a reflection of the third, poverty stricken world. Easymac was pretty much my favorite meal. Of course I got teased a little about when I was a little kid, but I was still a strong fat kid. Soon the bullying games on the playground at morning recess became a two way street, me and the older kids exchanging hurtful remarks as well as hurtings.
When I was ten, I moved to a new place and had a whole new life. City, apartment, school, classmates, friends, teachers, distractions, desires, and sports-- everything was new, especially the basketball. I ended up running a lot just by playing basketball, and I had a more athletic diet to suit my now growing and active body-- steak, steak, and then steak with pasta and fruits and vegetables. No joke, I was steak crazy.
I started doing some other sport stuff in the off seasons. I tried my feet at cross country, and I never turned out very good at lots of long distance running (note concerning fitness doubts this raises regarding the military: I can do standard military distances without too much trouble) unless it came to hills.
I tried out Judo, and it was a whole new ballgame. I was always a little slower, but stronger, than most of my peers. Okay, mostly way slower. So I played forward on the basketball team instead of guard, because I might not have been fast or even tall, but I could box out with the best of them. The sport philosophy behind judo seemed like an instant fit to me. It was a mindset, a practice, through which one attempted to better themselves. I dug that. It was also a sport that my body took naturally to. Individual combat styles don't require straight speed, size, and strength in the same way that traditional ball games do, and my body seemed like a fairly appropriate type, with decent build and lower center of gravity.
I loved Judo, and when I went to highschool in yet another new place, I followed it with wrestling. Since I went to highschool in the US, that means I did american folkstyle wrestling, with the aim of pinning your opponents back to the mat. Loved it. Got me into the best shape ever. Informed my very definition of fitness, strength, endurance, focus, and the possible.
When I got more serious about my wrestling, I tried pumping iron and running on my own for the off seasons. I ran and lifted every day, doing a 3-5 mile run and a big circuit training lift immediately afterwards. Gyms can be mystical places where through pushing yourself beyond physical discomfort and focusing only on one movement at a time can initiate a mental decompress. Most physical activity will do this, but the solitary and indoor nature of gyms is very conducive to an almost meditative set of mind, yeilding the sorts of benefits one can also take away from breathing exercises. In fact, one can lift using yoga breathing techniques. I made a ton of progress in moving the weights up, and I maintained most of my strength until the next season. However, I just described a fictitious, perfect gym. Most gyms are plagued by little things that sort of preclude me from making the gym my main center of athletic activity.
One of these problems is that as strong as iron can get you, it's really not functional fitness that one could use in a wrestling match (the ultimate test, in my opinon). You get great strength in certain muscle groups, which helps, but the smaller stabilizing muscles are what allow you to combine power and strength with precision, and avoid injury. Also, the strength you get from lifting is really specific, and if you lift for high weight (power), or more medium weights (strength), like most everybody does, you miss out on the muscle endurance that a more dynamic and functional exercise, like wrestling. But these are specific complaints about the fitness benefits of lifting based on my perspective and fitness goals.
And, how can I not mention the even more tiresome aspects of the gym? Bad music being pumped in does not pump me up. If somebody wants to pump iron to some heavy metal or traipse on the elliptical to Enyah for half an hour, that's cool. But why shouldn't they use headphones? What if I like to hear myself breathe instead of the umps of some fucking techno music that got piped in? What if, god forbid, I think you're music sucks (I'm talking to you, you contemporary popular crowd) And if it's not that, then it's the douchebags who sit in front of the mirror, taking up free weights and bench space, just so they can work their biceps (useless) for three hours. Seriously, fraternities need to re evaluate their lifting regimens. In any event, those are valid drawbacks of gym-based workouts, and the list continues until finally I just give up and say that one drawback of the gym is that it's a huge fucking hassle sometimes that makes me sympathetic towards those who suffer from roid rage and just finally snap. So much for the breathing exercises.
I've since branched into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, since the wrestling club at my college wasn't really as laid back about the tournament attendance as I was, and I didn't like their fees. I also took a page from an old holiday workout challenge that my wrestling coach gave me once. Essentially, the object was to accumulate the most points over the winter holidays to win a prize. You earned points by doing something physical-- One set of a calesthenic exercise, one set of weights in the gym, three minutes spent sparring, one mile run, etc. There were point multipliers and bonuses for extra big workouts, or getting to a wrestling practice. I figured that since I didn't have weights or a wrestling room at home, I'd do a ton of calesthenics and use the point multipliers to get the bonuses. I did workouts everyday, nonstop, circuit style. At the end of three weeks I was ten muscled pounds heavier, stronger, and breathing much better at the end of a match. That's when I realized: body weight exercises and home workouts are the best option for building and maintaining functional strength and overall fitness. Disagree if you'd like, it's just my personal fitness philosophy. Keep the results, lose nearly all the hassle. Get those breathing exercises back in.
I've been too much of a couch potato recently between being down and out and homeless, and here's how I'm going to get back out of it. Regular meals, stretching, calesthenics, and participation in a martial arts class (BJJ). Just back into decency, instead of wheezing around like an alcoholic who's bounced off the bottom a few times. So far, so good, but my problem has always been long term consistency (TWSS?). I haven't checked my weight super recently, but I'd guess it at 176lbs as a starting point. Updates to follow when I look good naked.
I've recently made an effort to get back into regular workouts and, hopefully, regular old good shape. I feel like I've gone all over the place on the fitness map, and it's maybe worth setting down.
I was a fat little kid. I'm talking fat as in "if you pushed me, I might have rolled," fat. So, yeah, chubby. My culinary world was sort of a reflection of the third, poverty stricken world. Easymac was pretty much my favorite meal. Of course I got teased a little about when I was a little kid, but I was still a strong fat kid. Soon the bullying games on the playground at morning recess became a two way street, me and the older kids exchanging hurtful remarks as well as hurtings.
When I was ten, I moved to a new place and had a whole new life. City, apartment, school, classmates, friends, teachers, distractions, desires, and sports-- everything was new, especially the basketball. I ended up running a lot just by playing basketball, and I had a more athletic diet to suit my now growing and active body-- steak, steak, and then steak with pasta and fruits and vegetables. No joke, I was steak crazy.
I started doing some other sport stuff in the off seasons. I tried my feet at cross country, and I never turned out very good at lots of long distance running (note concerning fitness doubts this raises regarding the military: I can do standard military distances without too much trouble) unless it came to hills.
I tried out Judo, and it was a whole new ballgame. I was always a little slower, but stronger, than most of my peers. Okay, mostly way slower. So I played forward on the basketball team instead of guard, because I might not have been fast or even tall, but I could box out with the best of them. The sport philosophy behind judo seemed like an instant fit to me. It was a mindset, a practice, through which one attempted to better themselves. I dug that. It was also a sport that my body took naturally to. Individual combat styles don't require straight speed, size, and strength in the same way that traditional ball games do, and my body seemed like a fairly appropriate type, with decent build and lower center of gravity.
I loved Judo, and when I went to highschool in yet another new place, I followed it with wrestling. Since I went to highschool in the US, that means I did american folkstyle wrestling, with the aim of pinning your opponents back to the mat. Loved it. Got me into the best shape ever. Informed my very definition of fitness, strength, endurance, focus, and the possible.
When I got more serious about my wrestling, I tried pumping iron and running on my own for the off seasons. I ran and lifted every day, doing a 3-5 mile run and a big circuit training lift immediately afterwards. Gyms can be mystical places where through pushing yourself beyond physical discomfort and focusing only on one movement at a time can initiate a mental decompress. Most physical activity will do this, but the solitary and indoor nature of gyms is very conducive to an almost meditative set of mind, yeilding the sorts of benefits one can also take away from breathing exercises. In fact, one can lift using yoga breathing techniques. I made a ton of progress in moving the weights up, and I maintained most of my strength until the next season. However, I just described a fictitious, perfect gym. Most gyms are plagued by little things that sort of preclude me from making the gym my main center of athletic activity.
One of these problems is that as strong as iron can get you, it's really not functional fitness that one could use in a wrestling match (the ultimate test, in my opinon). You get great strength in certain muscle groups, which helps, but the smaller stabilizing muscles are what allow you to combine power and strength with precision, and avoid injury. Also, the strength you get from lifting is really specific, and if you lift for high weight (power), or more medium weights (strength), like most everybody does, you miss out on the muscle endurance that a more dynamic and functional exercise, like wrestling. But these are specific complaints about the fitness benefits of lifting based on my perspective and fitness goals.
And, how can I not mention the even more tiresome aspects of the gym? Bad music being pumped in does not pump me up. If somebody wants to pump iron to some heavy metal or traipse on the elliptical to Enyah for half an hour, that's cool. But why shouldn't they use headphones? What if I like to hear myself breathe instead of the umps of some fucking techno music that got piped in? What if, god forbid, I think you're music sucks (I'm talking to you, you contemporary popular crowd) And if it's not that, then it's the douchebags who sit in front of the mirror, taking up free weights and bench space, just so they can work their biceps (useless) for three hours. Seriously, fraternities need to re evaluate their lifting regimens. In any event, those are valid drawbacks of gym-based workouts, and the list continues until finally I just give up and say that one drawback of the gym is that it's a huge fucking hassle sometimes that makes me sympathetic towards those who suffer from roid rage and just finally snap. So much for the breathing exercises.
I've since branched into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, since the wrestling club at my college wasn't really as laid back about the tournament attendance as I was, and I didn't like their fees. I also took a page from an old holiday workout challenge that my wrestling coach gave me once. Essentially, the object was to accumulate the most points over the winter holidays to win a prize. You earned points by doing something physical-- One set of a calesthenic exercise, one set of weights in the gym, three minutes spent sparring, one mile run, etc. There were point multipliers and bonuses for extra big workouts, or getting to a wrestling practice. I figured that since I didn't have weights or a wrestling room at home, I'd do a ton of calesthenics and use the point multipliers to get the bonuses. I did workouts everyday, nonstop, circuit style. At the end of three weeks I was ten muscled pounds heavier, stronger, and breathing much better at the end of a match. That's when I realized: body weight exercises and home workouts are the best option for building and maintaining functional strength and overall fitness. Disagree if you'd like, it's just my personal fitness philosophy. Keep the results, lose nearly all the hassle. Get those breathing exercises back in.
I've been too much of a couch potato recently between being down and out and homeless, and here's how I'm going to get back out of it. Regular meals, stretching, calesthenics, and participation in a martial arts class (BJJ). Just back into decency, instead of wheezing around like an alcoholic who's bounced off the bottom a few times. So far, so good, but my problem has always been long term consistency (TWSS?). I haven't checked my weight super recently, but I'd guess it at 176lbs as a starting point. Updates to follow when I look good naked.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Eureka! Now what?
So, I've finally moved into a place. Setting aside minor issues (leaky hot faucet in tub, decrepit front door, no dishwasher, ghetto punks acting macho in the backstreet), I really like the place. It's plenty of square footage for whatever I might decide to do, it's got hardwood floors with character, it's got chill neighbors, it's got GAS, and it's got a beautiful little kitchen to use that GAS in. Fuck electric ranges. Fuck them and their stupid conducting coils.
But now, this actually creates as well as solves some of my problems. I have a home base, but I need to set it up. I need to get gas, internet, furniture, and all that miscellaneous shit that it takes to make a place feel like home. Then I have to get my life (so long neglected) back in order. But where do I start?
My Grades? My health? My hobbies? My grades are already hurting, and most likely I won't get much higher than worm shit this academic quarter. It's bad enough that I'm considering withdrawing for the quarter. It almost seems as if the academic fight has been taken out of me.
My health is also a fucking laundry list: fitness, smoking (I admit the fucking cigs are tough to drop completely), drinking, dental, physical therapy, blood work I should have done. I need work on alll of them. And then I have to have some sort of social life, which is more difficult when my friends are spread out and I don't have time as it is getting day to day. Hobbies, although definitely not as important unless they start bringing in money, are essential since they keep me sane. I have to play a little harmonica every once in a while to keep sharp. Maybe I should busk? I might as well, because I'm just stuck in this malaise. I have to force myself to do almost anything, even the essentials. I drift mentally all day, obsessing over tangential topics like religion, unread books, or rants/ this blogging. I've got a very hedonistically self-destructive vibe going on here. I'm following a rabbit I don't know down a hole lined with thorns, and I'm holding my palms out while I fall.
What are my new priorities? How in the hell is it that I'm finding just living to be so damn difficult? Is it because I feel aimless? This brings me to my next thought, which I've been pondering more often as the days go by. The military.
Bear with me here. I know that I'm not doing so well. I know that a lot of it is just laziness, or if it isn't, then it's not worth getting all pussy over it. Life must go on, don't burden yourself with any more conditions, phobias, and crap than you have to. I know I've flourished under a disciplined regimen, when I didn't have free time to find ways of vicariously exercising my doubts through daily activities. It's time to stop numbing up and deal with shit. Given that all of this is stuff that I do to myself, I think depending on my own (very lacking) willpower is a sort of weak plan. But the military would have discipline. It would hold me to commitments on a regular basis and whip me back into mental shape-- task oriented, adroit, compartmentalized. All the qualities I had when I felt things were more evenly keeled. I would still be able to get doubtful, insecure, fearful. The military wouldn't answer the questions I've been hounded by, but it would give me the frame of reference to deal with my shit a bit at a time.
Plus, I think there are a lot of other things I like about the military. It would be an active lifestyle with significant portions spent outside, which is important for my sense of well being. It would provide an opportunity to use my language skill in some way, or even pick up a useful skill, like machine working. It would provide a certain sense of comraderie, and to be honest, I think I could stand to meet some more new people. I can always stand to learn something about myself through other perspectives. And there is an allure to giving myself a challenge. Could I feel comfortable under uniform code of military justice and all that entails? Could I complete the training? Would I pass the physical, even? To join the military seems such a daunting, life changing decision. It's scary in its own way, but I'm willing to accept the risk against all the positive things I think I may take away from it. It appears to me to be perhaps the best option for my future. I honestly don't even know whether or not I'd prefer to be an officer. It's a different experience. I'll finish up my degree. I enjoy learning that much, and I owe it to myself since it's such a necessity nowadays. But do I really need to finish it now? It's a thought.
Here's another question in my thinking. Navy or Marine Corps? Navy might be able to offer me something more to do with languages, and it would be pretty damn safe unless I tried to be a seal. The Marines offer superior esprit de corps, a tempting challenge to become one of the world's elite fighting forces. It's obviously more difficult to do the corps, and that's both a plus and a minus, considering the challenge and the health questions I have. However, the marines seem to have the pride and confidence that are at the core of what I desire to emulate. Navy or Marines? That'll take some more thought.
Think of the military as an extreme yogi who will create a new you by forcing you to reach certain standards. It sounds stupid, but the military has served as a formative and educational experience, as well as an occupation/scourge on humanity for all of human history.
My trajectory has always seemed a little random. Maybe it's time for a little outside order to get me back to the basics and back on track.
But now, this actually creates as well as solves some of my problems. I have a home base, but I need to set it up. I need to get gas, internet, furniture, and all that miscellaneous shit that it takes to make a place feel like home. Then I have to get my life (so long neglected) back in order. But where do I start?
My Grades? My health? My hobbies? My grades are already hurting, and most likely I won't get much higher than worm shit this academic quarter. It's bad enough that I'm considering withdrawing for the quarter. It almost seems as if the academic fight has been taken out of me.
My health is also a fucking laundry list: fitness, smoking (I admit the fucking cigs are tough to drop completely), drinking, dental, physical therapy, blood work I should have done. I need work on alll of them. And then I have to have some sort of social life, which is more difficult when my friends are spread out and I don't have time as it is getting day to day. Hobbies, although definitely not as important unless they start bringing in money, are essential since they keep me sane. I have to play a little harmonica every once in a while to keep sharp. Maybe I should busk? I might as well, because I'm just stuck in this malaise. I have to force myself to do almost anything, even the essentials. I drift mentally all day, obsessing over tangential topics like religion, unread books, or rants/ this blogging. I've got a very hedonistically self-destructive vibe going on here. I'm following a rabbit I don't know down a hole lined with thorns, and I'm holding my palms out while I fall.
What are my new priorities? How in the hell is it that I'm finding just living to be so damn difficult? Is it because I feel aimless? This brings me to my next thought, which I've been pondering more often as the days go by. The military.
Bear with me here. I know that I'm not doing so well. I know that a lot of it is just laziness, or if it isn't, then it's not worth getting all pussy over it. Life must go on, don't burden yourself with any more conditions, phobias, and crap than you have to. I know I've flourished under a disciplined regimen, when I didn't have free time to find ways of vicariously exercising my doubts through daily activities. It's time to stop numbing up and deal with shit. Given that all of this is stuff that I do to myself, I think depending on my own (very lacking) willpower is a sort of weak plan. But the military would have discipline. It would hold me to commitments on a regular basis and whip me back into mental shape-- task oriented, adroit, compartmentalized. All the qualities I had when I felt things were more evenly keeled. I would still be able to get doubtful, insecure, fearful. The military wouldn't answer the questions I've been hounded by, but it would give me the frame of reference to deal with my shit a bit at a time.
Plus, I think there are a lot of other things I like about the military. It would be an active lifestyle with significant portions spent outside, which is important for my sense of well being. It would provide an opportunity to use my language skill in some way, or even pick up a useful skill, like machine working. It would provide a certain sense of comraderie, and to be honest, I think I could stand to meet some more new people. I can always stand to learn something about myself through other perspectives. And there is an allure to giving myself a challenge. Could I feel comfortable under uniform code of military justice and all that entails? Could I complete the training? Would I pass the physical, even? To join the military seems such a daunting, life changing decision. It's scary in its own way, but I'm willing to accept the risk against all the positive things I think I may take away from it. It appears to me to be perhaps the best option for my future. I honestly don't even know whether or not I'd prefer to be an officer. It's a different experience. I'll finish up my degree. I enjoy learning that much, and I owe it to myself since it's such a necessity nowadays. But do I really need to finish it now? It's a thought.
Here's another question in my thinking. Navy or Marine Corps? Navy might be able to offer me something more to do with languages, and it would be pretty damn safe unless I tried to be a seal. The Marines offer superior esprit de corps, a tempting challenge to become one of the world's elite fighting forces. It's obviously more difficult to do the corps, and that's both a plus and a minus, considering the challenge and the health questions I have. However, the marines seem to have the pride and confidence that are at the core of what I desire to emulate. Navy or Marines? That'll take some more thought.
Think of the military as an extreme yogi who will create a new you by forcing you to reach certain standards. It sounds stupid, but the military has served as a formative and educational experience, as well as an occupation/scourge on humanity for all of human history.
My trajectory has always seemed a little random. Maybe it's time for a little outside order to get me back to the basics and back on track.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
трудна дорога от прабды к истине
"It's a long road from the truth to the facts."
-Sergei Dovlatov
Oh how true. This quote is in the context of a journalist who is constantly forced to compromise his integrity in the former Soviet Union. But think about how this applies philosophically. Isn't that a great way to point out that events are not always what they seem? Doesn't it seem to suggest that we should always tread cautiously when reaching conclusions? Doesn't it make you question the veracity of the facts we've been told?
I know I look at it like that. The other morning, I was on campus, feeling a little down because I'd slept on a couch in the student center...
Oh, yeah. Did I mention that living out of a car is a logistical hassle?
...so I was on campus, taking in the morning light by the Library, and wouldn't you know it? I saw a group of people who looked like they were having a bible reading. I don't know why this is exactly, but just being around religion is a bizarre experience for me, a relatively staunch atheist.
I wandered over to the bronze cat in the hat statue and sat down with them. They were reading a psalm from the old testament, it doesn't really matter which one. Their reader was delivering his interpretation of it, which of course was that we can all put our faith in God to guide us through life because he's so great. So great, in fact, that he died for our sins and offered us salvation...
because we are all so helplessly evil and corrupted
...through Jesus Christ, our lord, savior, messiah, alpha and omega, king of kings, you get the picture-- he's great.
According to the Christian view of god, he is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and just all around omni-. I mean, this guy can do anything and everything he (or, perhaps, she?) wants. AND, and this is important here, he is PERFECT. Perfect. Flawless. In every way, including morally. Thus, to them, the overall message of Christianity is an incredibly positive one, full of love, kindness, understanding, faith, hope, courage, mercy, grace, power, and ethics.
They almost seem to be talking about a religion not based on the Bible, which is not really full of any of those things if you step back and take a look at it.
God seems pretty fucking less than perfect if you actually look at the bible. The basic premise of the monotheistic Christian god is that he is the one and only true god and he demands and deserves worship as the creator and giver of life. But isn't that egotistical?
If god were a real father on earth, we'd lock him up and throw away the key pretty quick, maybe even try to execute him. I mean, imagine a family across the street from you where the father demanded that his kids follow his every direction and worship him. This is a father who allows his children-- with his full knowledge of course-- to get into all sorts of terrible situations. Would you let your child play with a socket on the wall? God would. Would you allow your child to continue on a destructive path of behavior without saying a word or explaining why it is wrong, only to severely punish him all of a sudden? God would. Would you tell your son or daughter to do something terrible, that everybody knows is terrible, just because you say so? God would. God's morals are really, really bad in the Bible.
I am more moral than the Christian god because I would never be so capricious, hurtful, misleading, vengeful, or evil as to tell my child to sacrifice his son to me, or condone the wholesale unnecessary slaughter of countless people, especially if I was omnipotent and had the power to remedy any situation in any way I wanted. I haven't killed, condoned rape, established deep social inequalities, tortured, or blackmailed. The Christian god has. I don't care if he created me. He's an asshole who doesn't deserve to be worshiped or emulated.
And that's not just me harping on about the old testament stuff. The new testament is based on the idea that this all powerful being can't simply forgive a transgression against him, as a loving and impervious being might well do, but rather elects to solve this problem (which he created) through an extremely convoluted plan to end/save the world through the world's best known human sacrifice story. And he randomly executes a fig tree along the way for not having fruit out of season.
And to think that the Aztecs were burned at the stake as heretics.
Then there's the problems with the logic, rather than the morals. That original sin thing? The one that's really central to the christian idea of salvation (because every solution needs a problem, otherwise you don't need it)? It's not really in the bible. Seriously. This is where God, really upset that Adam and Eve are no longer naked and frolicking in his personal garden (that's so chaste, by the way), is supposed to hand down this sin that somehow propagates and contaminates the entire human race:
There. Clear as day. The serpent and all snakes forever will eat dirt, crawl on their belly, and be in conflict with humans. Sort of the natural order of things anyhow, right? Except that not a single known snake eats dirt. Women will experience pain in childbirth, and put up with those kids and her husband. Man has to work for a living, and everybody has to leave the garden party and give up living forever, even though they're not immortal anyhow. The ground gets really cursed, to produce thorns and bushes and stuff. Wow. Where is the part of this that's so terrible? God here hasn't cursed us so much as pointed out how we inevitably are.
I'd also like to point out that Adam lives until he is 930 years old, according to the book of Genesis, so that thing about surely dying when eating the apple was sort of a lie as well, or that knowledge was one hell of a slow acting poison.
So if there's no original sin in the actual bible, and other equally egregious problems with the internal logic and consistency in the bible, I'm sort of forced to conclude that it's the product of bad writer or redactors, rather than a divine and all powerful being who can't write a story worth a damn. I find myself morally and logically unable to believe in a Christian god. That's me. I'm an atheist because I'm not into mindless sadism.
But that's Christianity. Many Christians might say they believe in a positive truth, based on facts of a positive nature. But those facts are actually of a negative nature if measured against any reasonable societal standard, which would point to a negative truth. The faith just doesn't make sense in the way it's interpreted, much less justify itself.
But then again, that's why they call it faith.
-Sergei Dovlatov
Oh how true. This quote is in the context of a journalist who is constantly forced to compromise his integrity in the former Soviet Union. But think about how this applies philosophically. Isn't that a great way to point out that events are not always what they seem? Doesn't it seem to suggest that we should always tread cautiously when reaching conclusions? Doesn't it make you question the veracity of the facts we've been told?
I know I look at it like that. The other morning, I was on campus, feeling a little down because I'd slept on a couch in the student center...
Oh, yeah. Did I mention that living out of a car is a logistical hassle?
...so I was on campus, taking in the morning light by the Library, and wouldn't you know it? I saw a group of people who looked like they were having a bible reading. I don't know why this is exactly, but just being around religion is a bizarre experience for me, a relatively staunch atheist.
I wandered over to the bronze cat in the hat statue and sat down with them. They were reading a psalm from the old testament, it doesn't really matter which one. Their reader was delivering his interpretation of it, which of course was that we can all put our faith in God to guide us through life because he's so great. So great, in fact, that he died for our sins and offered us salvation...
because we are all so helplessly evil and corrupted
...through Jesus Christ, our lord, savior, messiah, alpha and omega, king of kings, you get the picture-- he's great.
According to the Christian view of god, he is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and just all around omni-. I mean, this guy can do anything and everything he (or, perhaps, she?) wants. AND, and this is important here, he is PERFECT. Perfect. Flawless. In every way, including morally. Thus, to them, the overall message of Christianity is an incredibly positive one, full of love, kindness, understanding, faith, hope, courage, mercy, grace, power, and ethics.
They almost seem to be talking about a religion not based on the Bible, which is not really full of any of those things if you step back and take a look at it.
God seems pretty fucking less than perfect if you actually look at the bible. The basic premise of the monotheistic Christian god is that he is the one and only true god and he demands and deserves worship as the creator and giver of life. But isn't that egotistical?
If god were a real father on earth, we'd lock him up and throw away the key pretty quick, maybe even try to execute him. I mean, imagine a family across the street from you where the father demanded that his kids follow his every direction and worship him. This is a father who allows his children-- with his full knowledge of course-- to get into all sorts of terrible situations. Would you let your child play with a socket on the wall? God would. Would you allow your child to continue on a destructive path of behavior without saying a word or explaining why it is wrong, only to severely punish him all of a sudden? God would. Would you tell your son or daughter to do something terrible, that everybody knows is terrible, just because you say so? God would. God's morals are really, really bad in the Bible.
I am more moral than the Christian god because I would never be so capricious, hurtful, misleading, vengeful, or evil as to tell my child to sacrifice his son to me, or condone the wholesale unnecessary slaughter of countless people, especially if I was omnipotent and had the power to remedy any situation in any way I wanted. I haven't killed, condoned rape, established deep social inequalities, tortured, or blackmailed. The Christian god has. I don't care if he created me. He's an asshole who doesn't deserve to be worshiped or emulated.
And that's not just me harping on about the old testament stuff. The new testament is based on the idea that this all powerful being can't simply forgive a transgression against him, as a loving and impervious being might well do, but rather elects to solve this problem (which he created) through an extremely convoluted plan to end/save the world through the world's best known human sacrifice story. And he randomly executes a fig tree along the way for not having fruit out of season.
And to think that the Aztecs were burned at the stake as heretics.
Then there's the problems with the logic, rather than the morals. That original sin thing? The one that's really central to the christian idea of salvation (because every solution needs a problem, otherwise you don't need it)? It's not really in the bible. Seriously. This is where God, really upset that Adam and Eve are no longer naked and frolicking in his personal garden (that's so chaste, by the way), is supposed to hand down this sin that somehow propagates and contaminates the entire human race:
And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"
12 The man said, "The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
13 Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?"
The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
14 So the LORD God said to the serpent, "Because you have done this,
"Cursed are you above all the livestock
and all the wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring [a] and hers;
he will crush [b] your head,
and you will strike his heel."
16 To the woman he said,
"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you."
17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'
"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return."
20 Adam [c] named his wife Eve, [d] because she would become the mother of all the living.
21 The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." 23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side [e] of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
There. Clear as day. The serpent and all snakes forever will eat dirt, crawl on their belly, and be in conflict with humans. Sort of the natural order of things anyhow, right? Except that not a single known snake eats dirt. Women will experience pain in childbirth, and put up with those kids and her husband. Man has to work for a living, and everybody has to leave the garden party and give up living forever, even though they're not immortal anyhow. The ground gets really cursed, to produce thorns and bushes and stuff. Wow. Where is the part of this that's so terrible? God here hasn't cursed us so much as pointed out how we inevitably are.
I'd also like to point out that Adam lives until he is 930 years old, according to the book of Genesis, so that thing about surely dying when eating the apple was sort of a lie as well, or that knowledge was one hell of a slow acting poison.
So if there's no original sin in the actual bible, and other equally egregious problems with the internal logic and consistency in the bible, I'm sort of forced to conclude that it's the product of bad writer or redactors, rather than a divine and all powerful being who can't write a story worth a damn. I find myself morally and logically unable to believe in a Christian god. That's me. I'm an atheist because I'm not into mindless sadism.
But that's Christianity. Many Christians might say they believe in a positive truth, based on facts of a positive nature. But those facts are actually of a negative nature if measured against any reasonable societal standard, which would point to a negative truth. The faith just doesn't make sense in the way it's interpreted, much less justify itself.
But then again, that's why they call it faith.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The "Check, checks" and "One, Two, Three's"
It's been so long since I've been a productive writer, I'm worried about this product you have the dubious pleasure of reading. Apart from my doubts, and the fact that my "y" key appears to be broken, I do know that I need to be writing. It's something I've got to do.
I was taking it easy-- real easy--- on the writing. I felt like I was letting an instrument sit in the corner and gather dust while I forgot how to do it (that's what your spouse said, b the way). It felt like I was letting myself go to waste. My little cousin recently became very fond of tossing me into a lake of molten lava while we're playing. My acting whenever he'd do this was something like the melting wicked witch of the west, or the melting liquid metal terminator, and that's the kind of decline m writing skill seemed to be in.
And my mom died. That sucked, and left me with plenty to process.
And this is a new medium, to bring me back into writing-- perhaps with a new voice-- to usher me into a new experience, to mark the beginning of a different stage of my life. I'm just going to open up this can and hope that it hasn't gone bad.
I'm a California native who happens to love the Bear Flag raised up in Sonoma so long ago, which symbolizes the (very) brief existence of our own republic. I wish it were so again, but it ain't gonna happen antime soon. So it's with a slightly heavy soul that I love and listen, with great appropriateness, to the blues.
Welcome to Bear Flag Blues. Let's find out what the fuck is next.
I was taking it easy-- real easy--- on the writing. I felt like I was letting an instrument sit in the corner and gather dust while I forgot how to do it (that's what your spouse said, b the way). It felt like I was letting myself go to waste. My little cousin recently became very fond of tossing me into a lake of molten lava while we're playing. My acting whenever he'd do this was something like the melting wicked witch of the west, or the melting liquid metal terminator, and that's the kind of decline m writing skill seemed to be in.
And my mom died. That sucked, and left me with plenty to process.
And this is a new medium, to bring me back into writing-- perhaps with a new voice-- to usher me into a new experience, to mark the beginning of a different stage of my life. I'm just going to open up this can and hope that it hasn't gone bad.
I'm a California native who happens to love the Bear Flag raised up in Sonoma so long ago, which symbolizes the (very) brief existence of our own republic. I wish it were so again, but it ain't gonna happen antime soon. So it's with a slightly heavy soul that I love and listen, with great appropriateness, to the blues.
Welcome to Bear Flag Blues. Let's find out what the fuck is next.
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